"Happy" Birthday

Yesterday was my birthday and honestly one of the most depressing ones since I have been here. My last two birthdays were spent at the campground ministering to young women and serving with some of the best friends God could bless me with. I spent most of yesterday just curled up on the couch with the kids and hubby. Sad to admit but even the texts, emails and FB posts seems to make me sadder... I just wanted to be home. We did go to dinner with some good friends here and that helped, but it wasn't the campground. I wanted to sit on our bunks and laugh and eat chicken dip and steal the chocolate covered strawberries off my birthday cake. I wanted to spend the night in chapel praising God. I wanted to be surprised by Hubby by bringing me flowers to my dorm. I have realized that I am refusing to let the walls down again because leaving Georgia was the hardest and most painful PCS ever. I am not sure I ever will be able to here. I honestly don't even know if that is a bad thing. 2 years and two months left... hopefully less.. praying God's plan is made clear to us. Retirement? With all my heart I just want us to go home. That is where I am today... dealing again with the low/depressing cycle of bi-polar and not liking it. Praying and praying...